Friday, June 24, 2011

Mother gets shock of her life after adopted son finds her on Facebook

A mother who had given up hope of ever finding the son she gave up for adoption 30 years ago got the shock of her life when she logged on to Facebook.

Pat Corlett was contacted on the social networking site by Chris Haworth, 36, the child she last saw when he was just six days old.

The 54-year-old from Liverpool opened a message on her computer that began: "Hi, my name is Chris, I was born on 22nd June 1975. You may not want to reply to this..."

Call it mother's instinct, Pat knew instantly it had been sent by Chris, or David as she has named him at birth.

Pat, who works as a courier for Probation Services, discovered that Chris - who kept his birth name as a middle name - worked as a coach driver and had enjoyed a happy childhood in the Lakes after being adopted.

“It was like a bomb going off, but a nice bomb,” she said.

“I always said I’d never trace him, that it might be too disruptive for him or upsetting, but I often wondered whether he would try to find me.

“The answer came via that message on Facebook and it was overwhelming.” And the arrival back in her life of her first-born has special resonance for Pat.

Eight years ago her youngest boy, Michael – she has another son, Andrew, who is now 18 – died at the age of just seven after losing a battle with cancer.

“Chris coming back in our lives is like the rounding off of a story. He can never replace Michael, of course, but to have him with us is a real happy ending.”

Pat became pregnant with Chris when she was 18. "I was in a relationship that I thought would work out," she explained.

She soon split with her boyfriend and never told him about the baby.

"I was facing being on my own with a child and it was daunting," she said. 'Back then, in 1975, single mothers were viewed very differently to how they are now; there was a stigma.

"Plus, I just didn't know how I would be able to work and look after a baby," Pat admitted. "I was brought up in Liverpool as an only child in an all-female household with my mum and my great aunt who held a lot of Victorian views and values."
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Thursday, February 10, 2011

5 steps toward a strong and healthy relationship

If you think your romantic relationship is on the rocks, don`t worry, for an expert has offered tips to keep it alive and happy.

`Keeping the love in a relationship is about understanding who the other partner is and working extremely hard to keep the lines of communication open,` said Josh Klapow, of the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

Klapow said a relationship is doomed if the communication is not there. `Very often it`s the little things, the daily hassles and decisions that couples need to make that lead to bigger problems; learning to make decisions together is critical for the survival of your relationship,` he said.

Here are the five things Klapow recommends for making decisions together:

Set a specific goal
`What do each of you want? Make sure you are very specific. Eating dinner out is not a specific goal. Going to a restaurant where you can get a steak, your partner can get grilled shrimp and you both can relax in a quiet booth is specific. The more specific you are the better.`

Monitor your discussion
`As you are discussing the decision at hand, make sure you are staying on track. Often couples will start discussing a goal and stray to some other topic, which can lead to frustration. So, if you notice yourself or your spouse getting off the subject, come back to the specific goal.`

Arrange the situation for success
`Decision making doesn`t work well when someone is tired, hungry, short for time or pre-occupied with other activities. Before you start the discussion, make sure each of you is in the right frame of mind and you have the time. If not, table the discussion as it is likely to go awry or fail.`

Recruit support from one another
`A collective decision means that sometimes there will be compromise. If you are going into the discussion to win, then you are not making a collective decision; you are fighting a battle. Remind each other that you are a team and that you are in it to win collectively, not necessarily individually.`

Treat yourselves
`Celebrate the success of a decision together. A hug, a celebratory reward, anything that acknowledges that together you have accomplished this task will help keep you motivated to make decisions together again.`
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